Galactic Enquirer: 4 reasons the World won’t end Dec 21st, 2012
With the pending end of the world Doomsday prophecy slated to take place this Friday the 21st of December 2012, many people the world over will be relieved to know that the World will not be ending thanks to the actions of our Super Hero community. The following four reasons should reassure the public at large that THE WORLD WILL NOT END this Friday!
1. Asteroid impact has been averted by Superman
While there was a very large asteroid that was on a direct collision course with Earth that most experts agreed could have been a cataclysmic event for our planet, luckily Superman was able to avert the asteroid some days ago. While the task was not an easy one, the Man of Steel understood the ramifications of failure and with a Herculean effort, Superman; adopted son of Earth was able to push the rogue asteroid into a new orbit and it is with great relief that I can report that the asteroid will be passing harmlessly between the Earth and Moon on Friday morning at approximately 9:15 AM, Eastern Standard Time. So the world can rest well not having to worry about an extra-terrestrial impact ending the world this Friday.
2. Mayan history Fantastically re-written with the help of Reed Richards
Knowing the severity of the apocalyptic predictions spelled out by the Mayan calendar, Reed Richards of the world renowned Fantastic Four took it upon himself to travel back in time with the use of a procured time portal from Latveria’s monarch Doctor Doom. Doctor Richards was able to convince the Mayan priests to abandon the use of their calendar in exchange for more precise measurements of time, as well as very accurate star charts. As a result, a careful examination of the Mayan records will show that in essence December 21st, 2012 is not the last day of the Mayan calendar, but rather the first day of a new age! In essence, Mr. Fantastic was able to rewrite history in such a way as to make the Mayan understanding of time more accurate than it was before his time jump. So the world can rest well not having to worry about the Mayan interpretation of its calendar as depicting the end of the world on December 21st, 2012.
3. Boy Wonder and Bat Girl debunk Mayan calendar use
Having been mentored by the world’s greatest detective has seemingly come in handy for both Robin and Bat Girl as they were able to prove to the world that the calendar being used by mainstream Mayan Doomsday Prophecy advocates is entirely false and misleading. The Mayan calendar is entirely different from the calendar being portrayed and used by the modern and popular doomsday culture. In fact, the calendar portrayed by the mainstream media and Doomsday believers is actually the Aztec calendar rather than the Mayan Calendar. So the world can rest well not having to worry about the Mayan calendar being used to calculate the end of the world because the Aztec calendar has erroneously been depicted by the masses as the Mayan calendar.
4. Shield Director Nick Fury assembles Super Large team of Heroes to protect Earth on December 21st, 2012 from any and all threats.
Director of Shield, Nick Fury has put together the Mother of all Super Hero teams to stand ready throughout the days leading up to and through the proposed December 21st, 2012 End of Days scenario. With a team being compromised of the Avengers, the Fantastic Four and the entire X-men team, there is simply no conventional, natural or extra-terrestrial threat that these Heroes could not stand up to and prevent. So the world can rest well not having to worry about the end of days as the World’s most powerful heroes stand ready to prevent any world ending threats from happening.
Thanks to the heroic actions of our World’s Super Hero Community, the citizens of Earth can rest easy this Friday the 21st of December, 2012 as the world will most certainly not end! But just in case, I will be off-planet as of tomorrow Thursday the 20th of December working on a story about the Moon’s extra-terrestrial transportation Hub known as Terra-Junction and will not return until it is safe or rather until Sunday the 23rd of December. Good luck!
Tye Bourdony is a Sci Fi cartoonist and creator of ‘The Lighter Side of Sci-Fi’, a mediator, deep space traveler and lead interstellar reporter for the Galactic Enquirer. He is also a graduate of the Barry University School of Law, SUNY Purchase and H.S. of Music & Art. Tye currently works in Florida’s 9th Circuit as the staff Divorce Mediator and has a regular self-published column in Sci Fi Magazine. You can visit tye on facebook and www.thelightersideofscifi.com.